Emotionally Focused Therapy
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
EFT for couples is a revolutionary therapy that creates new possibilities for relationships. Based upon the principles of attachment theory, EFT for couples believes human beings are innately social creatures wired for intimate bonding. EFT helps couples move away from emotional reactivity and distress to forge a bond that becomes a warm and secure haven, even amid life’s stressors. By identifying negative patterns that form between them, couples using EFT therapy can avoid emotional disruption and establish an attuned, reliable, and nourishing connection.
Founded by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT for couples has become the gold standard for evidence-based marriage counseling. Research about the efficacy of EFT therapy demonstrates that when we bring awareness to our emotional state— allowing ourselves to experience and process our feelings—we tap into the most powerful means of promoting change and emotional maturity.[1]
How EFT Couples Therapy Works
When we fail to establish a secure emotional bond with our partner, defenses and self-protection bubble up in our relationship. Our distress can manifest in ways such as anger, criticism, blame, and withdrawal. We may distance ourselves from each other, turning instead to distractions, overwork, other people or addictive behaviors for solace. When we lack emotional intimacy, trust erodes. In the absence of safe connection, we suffer.
EFT couples therapy helps identify and map out our familiar responses so that we understand our cycle of reactivity. As each partner discovers deeper underlying feelings and needs, we are supported by the therapist in sharing these with our partner. We can experience one another in new ways that allow trust and closeness to be restored.
When we engage in EFT counseling, we learn about our deeper feelings and individual needs in the relationship, improving our ability to articulate these needs. Emotion-focused therapy can help reveal aspects of childhood trauma that lead to anxiety or depression so that we can better understand and heal from our past experiences. Learning to exercise self-compassion, as well as gaining acceptance from our partner, can powerfully impact our growth and well-being, both as individuals and as a couple.
How Is EFT Couples Therapy Different Than Other Therapies?
EFT has the best research outcomes of any model of couples therapy, demonstrating unprecedented success in helping couples improve their relationships and deepen their bonds.[2] Traditionally, therapy has attempted to teach couples communication skills, resulting in low success rates. The reality is that most couples wait way too long to begin therapy for this to be effective. EFT instead offers an opportunity to go deeper in working with the foundation of a relationship – the emotional bond.
EFT therapy gets to the heart of the matter by helping each partner identify authentic feelings and needs that often get buried underneath emotional reactivity and defenses. The therapist walks beside you, supports your underlying longing for a safe connection, and assists in identifying what gets in your way of maintaining your bond. You will feel supported in taking risks in being vulnerable with each other and sharing new, deeper aspects of yourselves that allow for more closeness with your partner.
With the support of your therapist, you can expect to experience a lessening of defenses, more understanding of yourself and your partner, and a greater experience of safety and authenticity. With a secure emotional attachment established, you can both experience newfound energy to devote to work, parenting, and other areas of personal fulfillment.
My Background In EFT Therapy For Couples
I received my Master’s in Clinical Social Work with clinical training in Family Systems, the study of relational interactions. Since that time, I have been interested in continuing to identify the most effective and transformational therapies available.
When I had my first encounter with EFT therapy in 2015, it immediately resonated with me as a unique and valuable approach to couples therapy that complimented my understanding of attachment theory and neuroscience. EFT therapy for couples is aligned with my desire to contribute to our world in a way that strengthens the very fabric of our society— the bonds of couples and families.
When I first began using EFT therapy, I soon realized that it offered new opportunities for couples to have necessary conversations free of rancor and reactivity. I watched with delight as expressions became softer, voice tones lightened, body language opened, humor returned, and new warmth between partners emerged. I witnessed partners move into greater experiences of being understood and accepted and feel their capacity to extend kindness and compassion. It continues to be a privilege to walk beside couples on their journey to create secure bonds.
Find Out How EFT Therapy For Couples Can Help You
EFT for couples can be used with couples from any culture or background, whether heterosexual or same-sexed. Additionally, EFT can be an effective therapy for couples where one or both have a history of trauma or depression. I’m currently conducting all sessions online. To find out more information about EFT therapy for couples, please contact me.
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